Prayers that get answered
I had this nasty fight with my wife, walked out in a huff, well! did i tell you it was sunday evening. I decided to go to church, cursing and grinding my teeth at the plight of my life. I hated every moment. Scowling at every passerby, the auto's and the call centre cabs were easy targets. well there wasn't any way i would be pleased.
My heart was pounding, a searing pain through my chest, i was begining to wonder if my heart was failing on me. "Hang on", i told myself, i am 31 how could i get a heart attack, i wasn't sweating, there was no radiating pain on my left hand. I wasn't happy, i really did not want to live.
I reached the church late, the priest was on with his Sermon, not a word sank in. I was lost in my thoughts. I mass was winding down. I was praying, but, i can't remember what i was asking for, i guess i was asking for peace of mind, i was asking to be heard. I was asking to be understood, and i was asking to be loved and consoled.
I said, "send me a sign", and the choir was at it, some familar song, that my school teacher had taught us, i never sing, don't know why i hummed that tune, and flash there it was - "Make me a channel of your peace, where there is hatered let be bring your love, where there is injury your pardon lord, ....... Oh, master grant that i may never seek, to be consoled than to console, to be understood than to understand, and to love you with all my soul. I froze, felt at peace..
A sudden surge of calmness covered me and i was filled with patience...ran to my car, picked up the phone and quickly sent a message apologising, and i meant it from the bottom of my heart, no conditons applied.
I was back to where i started, i had always believed life works itself out and I knew it will, and thats exactly what happened the next day.
The solution to my problem - was right there, my parents walked to my room, told me what i should do, i only needed to let my gaurd down and see it, on any other day i would have just refused to, but not today. As they walked out of the room,but i knew the answer was lying next door, i became sad. I was trying to solve this for so long, for as long as i can remember, i lost my battle, felt very limp, and miserable.
But, i had to see the light, my prayers of yesterday, answered. I had to just see it, and what i wanted was right there, all i stood for was restored, actually it had never fallen apart, i had asked for answers, it comes in varoius forms, with a little twist, you just have to have the calmness of the mind to see it...
My heart was pounding, a searing pain through my chest, i was begining to wonder if my heart was failing on me. "Hang on", i told myself, i am 31 how could i get a heart attack, i wasn't sweating, there was no radiating pain on my left hand. I wasn't happy, i really did not want to live.
I reached the church late, the priest was on with his Sermon, not a word sank in. I was lost in my thoughts. I mass was winding down. I was praying, but, i can't remember what i was asking for, i guess i was asking for peace of mind, i was asking to be heard. I was asking to be understood, and i was asking to be loved and consoled.
I said, "send me a sign", and the choir was at it, some familar song, that my school teacher had taught us, i never sing, don't know why i hummed that tune, and flash there it was - "Make me a channel of your peace, where there is hatered let be bring your love, where there is injury your pardon lord, ....... Oh, master grant that i may never seek, to be consoled than to console, to be understood than to understand, and to love you with all my soul. I froze, felt at peace..
A sudden surge of calmness covered me and i was filled with patience...ran to my car, picked up the phone and quickly sent a message apologising, and i meant it from the bottom of my heart, no conditons applied.
I was back to where i started, i had always believed life works itself out and I knew it will, and thats exactly what happened the next day.
The solution to my problem - was right there, my parents walked to my room, told me what i should do, i only needed to let my gaurd down and see it, on any other day i would have just refused to, but not today. As they walked out of the room,but i knew the answer was lying next door, i became sad. I was trying to solve this for so long, for as long as i can remember, i lost my battle, felt very limp, and miserable.
But, i had to see the light, my prayers of yesterday, answered. I had to just see it, and what i wanted was right there, all i stood for was restored, actually it had never fallen apart, i had asked for answers, it comes in varoius forms, with a little twist, you just have to have the calmness of the mind to see it...
posted by alpha on to Omega at 11:39 AM
1 Comments:
You post is truely heart wrenching. May god give you the will and hope to survive this pain.I always believe that God does not put in situation that you cannot come out of. And believe me he has a plan for each one of us. All you need to do is just trust him and go with the flow. Every wound on our heart has a role to play, a lesson to be learnt, a reason to shape our deeds and lives we touch.So just breathe harder when it becomes difficult to breathe.In this world everything comes with an expiration date.
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